From Beirut to New York City

My brother always told me that if I had a chance to leave for college, I would most probably never come back to Lebanon. Life is so much easier abroad, more opportunities, better jobs, better everything...
My friends always told me that if I had a chance to leave for college, I would be the first one to forget about them (yeah, thank you for that guys!). I could easily start a new life and forget everything about my past.
I never disagreed with them but today everything has changed.

College seemed so far away a month ago.
This morning, I woke up expecting my suitcase to be packed and ready to go.

It is all I can think about, even if I'm not leaving before August. These are going to be the longest 8 month of my life but I am grateful for that. I want to enjoy every second of my last year in school with all these amazing people because, a year from now, we will all be scattered around the world.

All these thoughts are rushing to my head now that I got my acceptance letter. I am so psyched to be going to the best university of all times in the most beautiful city in the world but still afraid of living alone in a place where there is nobody I know and most of all, sad to be leaving everything behind.

It is only now that I realize I won't be able to live with myself if I never come back to Lebanon. I can't just ignore that last 18 years of my life, this place shaped me and made me who I am, from the streets that I know like the back of my hand to the man who sold me my first ice-cream, my first bottle of wine, my first pack of cigarettes, from the random strangers who smile at me in the street to my closest friends with whom I spent the best years of my life, from the welcoming smell of home when I leave for too long to my family that I never loved more than today.

I spent the last 3 years of my life working towards leaving this country and now I only have 8 month to make up for all this lost time. And even if I do make the best out of my remaining days here, I am not ready to say goodbye.

Two Years & Two Weeks

I completely missed my blog's birthday and now I feel bad about it... Worst part is that I only remembered after my friend told me about her boyfriend forgetting about their first year anniversary.

I'm not being very active in here anyway.
It's not that I finally got a life after all this time (I spend my days watching Saint Seiya and procrastinating) but for some reason I am not motivated anymore.

Last month's catastrophe really put me down. I'm in this hate-everything-that-is-even-remotely-related-to-Lebanon mood, which explains why I watch Japanese animes and read mangas all day long.

But this weekend I'll be volunteering at Sassine so I hope that'll make me feel better.
Meanwhile I'll just try to keep my hormones level to a minimum.

Anyway, my blog gets a very special cake for its second birthday. Yay Obama!

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them. 

- Charlie

La French Touch

It is always good to have a couple of French songs in your playlist, here's what you'll find in mine!

The Forum

If you have ever tried to find an online LGBT community in Lebanon, you must have stumbled upon some sex forum or dating site.
Well, sometimes people are looking for advices, someone who can answer the questions they can't ask their family or friends.

This is why the Lebanese LGBT forum is being launched. To offer everyone a safe place where they discuss practically anything all while staying anonymous.

Sharing your story is important, but not always easy. It does not only help you get rid of all the negativity you are keeping to yourself, but it also helps others who are facing similar problems.

I am calling every man and woman to gather their courage and write in that forum, it could be anything, from a simple hello to your whole life story. Everything is worth sharing and I can assure you that people will read what you have to say.

Hope to see you there!

Senior Year

Well, I really don't know what to write because senior year hasn't started yet. But it will, in 3 days. And I don't want it to, because if it starts, I will realize that it will someday end.

I know how emotionally charged these 9 month are going to be, I can see all the tears, the joy, the fun, the goodbyes... All these are necessary for us to move to the next step.

And as much as I was looking forward to college, I kind of feel safe in my routine.
It's crazy... All this seemed so far away in my mind. I would have never thought about all this a week ago but it all comes to me now. It's just crazy...

Lebanese Stereotypes