I look at the world and I notice its turning.
If I go there is no turning back, If I leave there is a huge possibility that I won’t come back home, back here, back to Lebanon. But it was never my choice to leave in the first place. The only thing I did was get used to the idea of going away, leaving, immigrating, whatever you want to call it. Lebanon has been a breeding ground for hatred, homophobia, disgust, prejudice, loneliness. But it is also my home country, it is where all my friends live, it is where all my memories, or most of them, lie. Every Lebanese person complains about Lebanon, only in the end to say that this is the best country in the world. But is it? Are we only saying that out of sheer patriotism or obligation or do we believe in the words that escape us? In my opinion it is only because we got so used to the traffic, to the people, the swear words, the gossip, the drops of water hitting your face while you walk along the sea front, the shopping, the downtown, Hamra street, Gemayzeh, Monot, Byblos, Fairuz, friends, family, the small villages nestled in the protective twists and turns of the overlapping mountains… the list could go on forever. I think every country is unique in its own way; every country has something worth discovering. The question remains, to move, or not to move? I think most of us at some point proclaim that we cannot wait to pack our bags and leave. I remain one of those people. I am surrounded by these people. It is almost all I think about. Beirut I love you, I love you not. I have found more freedom abroad, freedom to act the way I want to, freedom to wear whatever I want tom freedom to say whatever I want to… I cannot live in any country where I cannot truly by myself to everyone, where I have to hide. I think everyone feels the same way.
By Ralph H.
