The Other Way Around

I came out to so many people but nobody ever came out to me.
I never knew how it really felt, but tonight, after a wild wild party, my best friend came out to me. She is dating another girl.
First reaction? I was really happy for her.
Five minutes later? I started crying. I don't know why. Was it the alcohol or the confession? I will never know.

But this sadness just came and filled every part of my body. And with this sadness came disappointment.
I was disappointed I haven't been the friend she has been for me.
When I came out to her she showed nothing but support, and now when it's her turn, I start tearing up in front of her?

I can't really explain this. Her girlfriend is really cool and nice.
Am I greedy and don't want to share my best friend? Of course not! A lot of my friends are in relationships.
Do I think that I will never see her the same way again? Of course not! Nothing is ever gonna change between us, like nothing changed when I came out to her.

I just don't want her to get hurt. Sixteen-year olds are idiots.
I witness that teenager stubbornness everyday. How influenced kids can get.
I don't want her to realize how mean and cruel our society is. But doesn't she know that? She was the one hanging IDAHO posters with me. She was the one to stand up for me every time she heard a hateful comment.
I don't want her to wake up one day and realize she is straight as an arrow and regret every second of this. But isn't this the part of life during which you're supposed to explore your sexuality and experience new stuff?

I'm not her dad after all. I can't hold her all her life so she doesn't fall.
I have to be a friend and walk with her and help her get up when she falls.
And that's what I will try to be.

Anyway...
La nuit porte conseil.

Best Friends?

Now that I came out to my close friends, I'm trying to tell completely random people about my sexuality.
Of course, people I can trust. 

This is pretty hard since you can't be sure they will stand up for you, they can reject you and that can be pretty painful.


Coming out to my friends really got me closer to them, since I could be myself not only around them, but around others too.

We could talk about everything and I discovered a new side of each of them. They also see me differently now. Now, I'm the gay friend.

The first thing they all said when I came out to them was
"This is not going to change a thing between us!"

Not completely true. Maybe they did not see the change, but I did.

I could see the guys feeling sometimes uncomfortable around me, but also asking me for advices about relationships and stuff.
I could see the girls trusting me more and more, sharing things they wouldn't normally share with a guy.

I don't mind that. It's fun. It's what I was expecting. It's what I was trying to get ready for all this time. 


Now on the other side.

Some people just try to avoid me, tying to look busy every time I walk past them or greeting them.
I get this. I was ready for this. What can I say? Whatever.

Some others act weird. They act like I just gave them all my trust & love.
They start talking to me everyday, acting like I have just been diagnosed with a terminal disease or something...

I know they are just trying to be nice & I know this might sound mean, but I don't need this kind of sympathy...
I'm fine, I'm okay, you can just live your life and let me live mine!

Accept me and do not make a big deal out of it, and don't feel compelled to share all your dirty little secrets with me or tell me everything that passes through your mind!

You're just a random person, to whom I said a random fact about me.
Do not feel special :-)

Coming Out - 3

Don't forget to read part 1 and part 2!

Accepting yourself for who you are is still something you have to deal with internally, alone. It's something you can control, but coming out to your friends is something you can't plan, you always have to expect the unexpected and deal with your friend's reaction.
Of course there are some friends you can trust, someone you know will understand you and always be there for you.

That friend for me was C.

When I came back from England, my friends saw that change in me, I couldn't pretend anymore. I told C that I had something important to tell her but I couldn't do it in front of her. So I waited until one day we were chatting on MSN to tell her. I was scared and stressed, she first asked if I was joking, a reaction that I expected. Then when she finally took me seriously, she directly told me that nothing mattered to her, that I was still the friend she always knew. :-)

It wasn't until a couple of weeks later that I told another friend, S. We met at the mall and spent the afternoon together then I told her. She stopped and looked at me. I guess that wasn't very subtle! She took more time to accept it, but again, nothing changed in our friendship.

I guess girls can accept their friend's homosexuality easier than guys.

The first guy I came out, J, didn't react in a good way at all. Again, we were chatting online and I told him. He said he needed time, so I gave him time. I mean it took me 15 years to get over it, he could have all the time he needed.

I asked him two things, two simple things. Try to keep this for himself and accept me for who I am.

Three days later, I was talking to S about it;

'Maybe he told someone!'

'Noo he would never do that!'

Then she randomly hung up and called me 5 minutes later, telling me that he told my best friend, A about it.

I knew A was homophobic, he told me he thought that being gay was a mental disease so I wanted to take my time to break the news to him. Weirdly enough, he's the one whose reaction shocked me the most, in a good way.

I was talking to him later, told him I was sorry he had to heard it from J and that I was planning on telling him
as soon as possible. His answer? 'I knew it!'

More than a year ago, I came out to him, he told me I wasn't gay, he told me it was just a phase, he told me he didn't believe me. I forgot all about that! But, he did believe me after all. Even if he doesn't understand me, A accepted me and is really cool about my sexuality! We spent some time together that week, talking and I realized that I couldn't wish for a better friend. He has always been there for me.

J on the other hand has been a total jerk, an asshole. He told C that he tried to 'change me', to 'make me straight again'. He destroyed our friendship, but were we really friends?

How can a friend act like this?

He is the kind of guy that depends on his manhood. The kind of guy who uses 'gay' as an insult (and he still
doesn't bother using it in front of me).

So here's the example of a friend, and the example of a jerk.

A friend can change; he would do anything to accept you for who you are.

A jerk doesn't even know who he is, he expect you to just be there when he needs you, when he isn't even here when you need him.

Anyway, who is he to accept me or not? Am I some kind of issue he has to live with? I'm sick of waiting to see if he's going to talk to me again one day. He doesn't deserve a friend like me.

The last friend I came out to was Rita. I've never really been close to her but I knew that she couldn't react badly! The woman would give her life to protect LGBT rights! (No she's not gay!) I told her that I wanted to write a blog and then sent her the link to my first post. After she read it she was like;

'Oh! You're gay! I had no idea! That's cool!'

Coming out to my friends was the best thing that ever happened to me. I got closer to some of them, got to know them better and better. But I also realized that I was better off without some people.

So... That's it! I hope that this will be helpful to some of you who are still unsure.