Monday, July 16, 2012

Homophobic Article in العائلة

I found a lovely magazine next to my mom's bed today. At first glance, I thought it was a Star Wars fan thing since I noticed a Sith Lord staring at me, but oh how I was mistaken...

(Sorry for the bad quality)

"Join the dark side, my children. I will rape you!"

So the pope is waving at you, and you read something interesting. "مثلية جنسية"... Curious. 
Then you search for the article... 
An amazing title has been chosen for that:
"Homosexuality in my house!!! *three exclamation points for dramatic effect* What should I do?" 
What should you do? Accept and love your son or daughter. 
That's how simple it is.
But oh nooo! Let us write a 2-page article about what you should do.


The article starts with touching stories of parents who found out about their kid's sexuality, then more touching stories about kids who are still in the closet.
"Oh, daddy is so proud of me... But if only he knew." 

But what is homosexuality? Please, do tell us.

To boost her credibility, our lovely, talented, prominent journalist asked a psychologist about it. Good job!
(This is also when she starts using شذوذ instead of مثلية جنسية, very professional) 
Dr. Aoun explains:
Well, first of all, you can know your children are homosexuals when they have some kind of "deviant attitudes" (I think she meant some kind of symptoms). "When your son acts like a girl, and your daughter acts like a boy, you can know they are homosexual" 
WAW! Did you find that in the dictionary? Oh no! Our psychologist is too smart for dictionaries. "Let's make up our own definition", she thought, "mine makes more sense!" 

"But why?! Why is my son acting like this?!", cries the desperate parent! Let's look at the wonderful, amazing picture that comes with our golden article. 

I am not a boy. I am not a girl. I am gay! And I am smoking a cigarette. Rawr, beware.

"So how did my son end up like this? Is it my fault?!" asks the parent.

Miss Nadine explains: 
Well, it all goes back to early education. When a father is rough and violent with his daughter, how can you expect her to grow into a healthy straight woman? When a mother is too 'dominant' in her son's life and education, of course he's going to turn gay... 
 She also mentions the Oedipus complex at some point, and adds lots and lots of exclamation points for drama. Did this woman even go to school or something?

Anyway, desperate parent has more questions. Yes, do ask:
"Doctor, doctor! Can I cure my son?!"

Yaaaaaayyy! You are not doomed!
No, you aren't! You can cure your son with psychological treatment. Oh wait! I'm a psychologist!
What? Are you thinking what I'm thinking? More clients for me! Yey, yey, yey!

Happy Dr. Aoun is happy. 

"Any other tips, Doctor?!"

Our talented journalist found a great way to present her little tips and advice.

"BUBBLES!! I DID THAT ALL BY MYSELF DADDY!" - Miss Nadine showing the article to her proud parents.

The first orange bubble is praising article 534. Your son/daughter can go to jail for being gay. How awesome is that?! Oh yay, now all the Lebanese youth is going to grow into healthy straight people, just like God wanted. 

The green bubble is more... practical? It gives prevention techniques for worried parents. 
YES! You can prevent homosexuality!! If you are a dad, be gentle to your daughter and give your son attention. If you are a mom, try to be nice and not too dominant. 
And don't forget! If both parents give equal attention to their children, there is no way they will end up gay! 

"Yay, thank you Doctor! Now I am gonna be a good Christian and send my child to the shrink and then we'll all go to heaven!" 

Hah... bitches, you are all going to hell. 

Thursday, July 12, 2012


I have realized recently that my straight friends have a huge problem pronouncing the word "gay" in public.

They either just start a sentence and wait for you to complete it. Exemple:
Straight dude: Does she know that you are...
Gay dude: That I am what?
Straight dude: You know....
Gay dude: Gay?
Straight dude: Yeah, that. 
Or just you know, be all awkward about it:
Straight dude: Does she know that you are...
*looks to the right*looks to the left*
*makes sure no one is in hearing range*
*puts both hands around his mouth*
*leans in real close*
*whispers* gay?
Then, there are the amazing steps towards legalizing gay marriage (I am not being sarcastic here) like "domestic partnerships" and "same-sex blessing services". This is all very good, perfect, wonderful. But why can't you just call it marriage? Whether civil or religious, it's just a goddamn marriage!

My favorite gayphemism (which is a gay-euphemism) is MSM. Like seriously? Men who sleep with men. How... diplomatic? No actually, it's ridiculous.
You are gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. 

Love the label! Accept the label! Embrace the label! Tattoo the label on your forehead!

Little side-note here, I don't really use the word "homosexual" because 1- you can't tattoo it on your forehead, it just won't fit, 2- it takes so much time to pronounce it that's you might change your mind in the middle of the sentence while coming out and end up telling your mom you're a homo erectus.

Anyway, back to labels. How can we evolve if we don't accept our gay label?
Trees are trees, flowers are flowers, gays are gays!

Everybody needs to get labeled somehow, that's why we have names. Even my blog post loves to get labeled!

Monday, July 9, 2012

The Helem Leaks

I know nothing about Helem. I stumbled upon their website a long time ago and found nothing on it that could personally interest me. I went to two of their IDAHO events: the first one I attended in 2011 was nice and interesting, the second one was exactly the same as the first. I felt like a year passed and nothing changed.

Since I know nothing about Helem, since I do know any volunteer there personally, what I am about to say is as objective as it can be.

I read the Helem Leaks (got bored after 5 pages) and since I have no idea what the hell all these people are talking about, or who the hell these people are, I'm gonna be very general.

When an argument passes from accepting criticism, to sexism, to sexual harassment and then to heterophobia, there's just something really wrong with it.

Why do I feel like Helem cannot help me as an individual? I never understood what the point of this whole NGO was until I went to their IDAHO event in 2011. And now I know why they never reach out to people:

There are so many internal problems that steal all the activist's attention, that the mission of the NGO has lost its priority.
That's how I felt while reading all these email.

As "Karen" (whoever that is) said:
I think we have enough on our plate to deal with gays being arrested and law suits instead of wasting energy on internal issues that should not exist in the first place
Division is the first step towards crumbling apart. History has shown that over the centuries. 
If the LGBTQ community cannot be united, how can we fight for our rights? 
Have you ever seen a rainbow without all its seven colors shining next to one another?
It is in that way that I cannot see the LGBTQ community without each and every single letter united to the other.

Oh, and I should also add an S for Straight! 
LGBTQS it is! 

Fuck this, 

Who cares what's under your shirt! Boobs or no boobs. 
Who cares what's under your pants! Penis or vagina. 
Who cares who's in your bed! Man or woman. 
Just get over that and DO SOMETHING USEFUL.
Make me feel safe in my country, make me feel at home. 

I don't want to get chased by a policeman if I kiss a guy in public (yes, that actually happened), I don't want to feel like I can't trust someone until I can prove that he's homo-friendly. 
I should believe that people are homophobic until proven otherwise, it's supposed to be the other way around! 

Come on Helem, it seems that there's still hope with these new volunteers. Passez le flambeau. 
Prove to the world that something can work in this country.