Monday, December 10, 2012

From Beirut to New York City

My brother always told me that if I had a chance to leave for college, I would most probably never come back to Lebanon. Life is so much easier abroad, more opportunities, better jobs, better everything...
My friends always told me that if I had a chance to leave for college, I would be the first one to forget about them (yeah, thank you for that guys!). I could easily start a new life and forget everything about my past.
I never disagreed with them but today everything has changed.

College seemed so far away a month ago.
This morning, I woke up expecting my suitcase to be packed and ready to go.

It is all I can think about, even if I'm not leaving before August. These are going to be the longest 8 month of my life but I am grateful for that. I want to enjoy every second of my last year in school with all these amazing people because, a year from now, we will all be scattered around the world.

All these thoughts are rushing to my head now that I got my acceptance letter. I am so psyched to be going to the best university of all times in the most beautiful city in the world but still afraid of living alone in a place where there is nobody I know and most of all, sad to be leaving everything behind.

It is only now that I realize I won't be able to live with myself if I never come back to Lebanon. I can't just ignore that last 18 years of my life, this place shaped me and made me who I am, from the streets that I know like the back of my hand to the man who sold me my first ice-cream, my first bottle of wine, my first pack of cigarettes, from the random strangers who smile at me in the street to my closest friends with whom I spent the best years of my life, from the welcoming smell of home when I leave for too long to my family that I never loved more than today.

I spent the last 3 years of my life working towards leaving this country and now I only have 8 month to make up for all this lost time. And even if I do make the best out of my remaining days here, I am not ready to say goodbye.