Monday, December 10, 2012

From Beirut to New York City

My brother always told me that if I had a chance to leave for college, I would most probably never come back to Lebanon. Life is so much easier abroad, more opportunities, better jobs, better everything...
My friends always told me that if I had a chance to leave for college, I would be the first one to forget about them (yeah, thank you for that guys!). I could easily start a new life and forget everything about my past.
I never disagreed with them but today everything has changed.

College seemed so far away a month ago.
This morning, I woke up expecting my suitcase to be packed and ready to go.

It is all I can think about, even if I'm not leaving before August. These are going to be the longest 8 month of my life but I am grateful for that. I want to enjoy every second of my last year in school with all these amazing people because, a year from now, we will all be scattered around the world.

All these thoughts are rushing to my head now that I got my acceptance letter. I am so psyched to be going to the best university of all times in the most beautiful city in the world but still afraid of living alone in a place where there is nobody I know and most of all, sad to be leaving everything behind.

It is only now that I realize I won't be able to live with myself if I never come back to Lebanon. I can't just ignore that last 18 years of my life, this place shaped me and made me who I am, from the streets that I know like the back of my hand to the man who sold me my first ice-cream, my first bottle of wine, my first pack of cigarettes, from the random strangers who smile at me in the street to my closest friends with whom I spent the best years of my life, from the welcoming smell of home when I leave for too long to my family that I never loved more than today.

I spent the last 3 years of my life working towards leaving this country and now I only have 8 month to make up for all this lost time. And even if I do make the best out of my remaining days here, I am not ready to say goodbye.


  1. I'm personally so sad to see you go :(

  2. you will be fine dude,
    I appreciate the fact that you consider that Lebanon has shaped you, enjoy senior year here, and then discover this crazy world we call earth :)
    More Power

    1. Of course Lebanon has shaped me! If the power ever goes out in NY and everyone panics I'll just be like: "It must be 3 o'clock..."

  3. Rock seagull boy
    ROCK ON \m/
    (and get yourself a college fling)

    1. I've been reading you since your first post when you were 16 and I kept on having issues with Jesus, and then my holy mom :"(
      I feel so fucking maternal

    2. Awww :')
      I'll send you a hot New Yorker on mother's day!!

  4. No matter what you do or where you go, do not stop blogging. I was so glad to see this post, but I constantly wish you blogged more. I relate so much to what you write and feel really happy when I read your stuff. Please blog more and good luck in New York!

    PS: Columbia? Seriously? You must be smart!

    1. Trust me, I'll always have something to say and this will always be the place to do so! (especially now that I'm not busy with school and applications and everything)

      and PS: Why do you seem surprised?! ;-)

  5. I'm also moving to Melbourne this summer when I finish my last year of school, can't wait!

  6. As a Lebanese person who moved to America, welcome. I haven't read your blog and this is actually the first one I bump into however, you'll be astounded at what you see and deal with some culture shock.

    Feel free to contact me if you like to discuss things further. :)