High school.
The best years of your life, nothing matters, everything's so easy.
Trying to get in pubs at Gemmayze or Monnot, making out with random people, new experiences.
Everybody remembers their high school years. It is just something you cannot forget.
Everybody wishes they could go back to being so carefree.
On the other side, teenagers just want to grow up have more freedom, be themselves.
But they also want to enjoy their youth as much as possible.
For me, high-school is just the 3 unbearable years that separate me from getting the hell out of here.
Teenagers... They are just so immature, so sad, so annoying, so stubborn, so dogmatic!
Let's take the people at my school. Very strict Catholic school.
Well that doesn't mean there aren't Muslim students too! There happens to be one in my class.
So, Arabic literature lesson, talking about Islam. Everybody knows the guy is Muslim but they don't give a rat's ass!
They just say what they want to say, criticize Islamic beliefs, feeling smart, getting everyone's attention... and the guy is just sitting there, listening, trying to stay discreet with everyone staring at him.
I can't even imagine being in this position. I can't even imagine what's passing by this guy's head. All this hate, all this anger. He can't get it out. Why? Cause he's part of the minority? Cause if he does things will just get worse?
How disgusting is this!
Kif elkon 3ein?!
I have to bear this too. These awkward moments.
A lot of French poets were gay.
So yeah, homosexuality is a regular topic during French literature lessons.
Homophobic comments, laughing, weird looks... I get it all.
But, after a loud cough and a I-just-erased-you-from-my-life look, everyone shuts up and stares randomly at the floor.
I haven't told everybody that I am gay, but that doesn't mean they do not know.
Rumors are fun. They go from "Yeah, I think he's gay" to "This guy stalked him and fucked him in the bathroom".
Yeah... fun.
So, I get the weird looks in the locker room,
I get the weird looks in general,
I get the friendly hugs who turn into awkward moments,
I get the comments I don't want to hear.
Fortunately, enough people know, so with more loud coughs and looks, everyone shuts up.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
Works fine.
But now, the new trend is to use "gay" as an insult.
"Chou louteh haydaa!"
Yeah, I hear that everyday. It became natural.
And there's more!
Now, you can't even leave your Facebook profile logged in, or your phone unsupervised without getting your status changed to "Gay and proud" or a broadcast sent to all your contacts.
So, high school people, get a life, and grow up.
Poor you ... I went thru something similar myself. Soon though, you'll leave this environment and your life will change to give you a lot more happiness and satisfying friendships ... good luck (and carry on writing!)
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteDiscovered u r Blogg on a facebook status! Much love 2 u//Rina
Akh I wish I could tell you those issues will for sure totally disappear after high school. There's no blue pill; life is a struggle and we all have our cross to bear. BUT it's good to know that you have that "I-just-erased-you-from-my-life look." I wish I had it when I was your age. :)
ReplyDeleteIn retrospect however, my personal experience with being a -visible- minority is that it stops one from falling into the mass mediocrity train. That makes me feel lucky. Now if I just keep avoiding the minority mediocrity train, I'd be set.
Love your posts, Karim. Please keep them coming.
Thank you for all your comments and support :-)
ReplyDeleteI do believe everything will better, and that hope helps me get through this.
:-)
Hey Karim,
ReplyDeleteyou have no idea how much I know how you're feeling but for a few reasons I cannot say, it was exactly the same but there definitely was similar moments and sadly though I am twenty one and out of high school I still tend to come across those moments by everyone of my friends, to this day I only know literally one single friend I can trust and know won't judge my sexual orientation, everyone else I come across makes the same old "chou loute hayda" comments here and there without a good excuse or a good reason. This is why I distanced myself from a huge amount of people and only kept the few close ones and the ones I have no choice but to befriend in my life.
Our life has nothing to do with just highschool, most of the society around us, the Lebanese one, the Arab one, the Christian one as well. They all have a bad view on homosexuality and aren't willing to learn more about it enough to give it a chance. They're narrow minded enough to be stubborn and simply have that huge "Homophobe" tattooed up on their foreheads.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to e-mail me, I definitely get how you're feeling. Keep up the great posts and wonderful work.
Hopefully we'll keep in touch.
-Lebanon Rebel.
As the campaign suggested... It gets better.
ReplyDeleteDon't let them bring you down. It's their fears that make them this way. It's a society that refuses to open its eyes to anything beyond its nose.
Highschool will end soon and things will surely get better.
Good luck with everything and thanks for sharing..
much love <3
hi karim ana kamein bil highschool w 3am 3ich same things bass ktiiir dont care :P bas abeil kenet 2edeya2 w heike hala2 3ade ma 3edit ktiir tefro2 ma3e:P anw mwah keep it up :D
ReplyDeleteHi Karim,
ReplyDeleteI came accross your blog on facebook, a friend put it as a link...Teenage years, they're tough on a lot of us. It's the years where you still don't know yourself much, you're trying to fit in...and when you're "different", it's a harder battle. Things will get better, don't lose hope. If I may, I'd like to give you that piece of advice: do not try to change, embrace who you are, learn to love yourself (your personality, your strengths, your weaknesses...and your differences). The more you respect who you are and follow your heart and convinctions, the happier you will be.
Keep writing on your blog...
All the best,
Z.
PS: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” I love that quote by Oscar Wilde (yes, another famous gay writer;-)
Thank you everyone for the sweet comments and the advices :-)
ReplyDeleteBut please know that I am not the kind of guy that will ever accept being bullied in any way!
Fortunately I have friends I can count on and that will always stand by me. That's why everyone at school knows when to shut up!
I will never let them change me in any way!
Lots of love
:-)
you're not alone, friends can sometimes dissapoint you<3
ReplyDeleteoh, and.
ReplyDeleteCourage.
I know that you're dealing with homophobic people at your school, but that's just life. You have people that admire you and people that do the opposite. I mean even if you weren't gay you'd also have people criticizing you and making fun of you. You just hold it together and grab on to the other ones who care about you like your friends, I'm sure that you have many amazing friends that accepted you for who you are. So just stop caring about the homophobic ones and don't make your life about them.
ReplyDeleteThank you, it's always nice to read those comments :)
ReplyDeleteI guess, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
But it's still annoying to see that even your best friends can be that immature.
They'll grow up one day. Blah.