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Monday, August 8, 2011

The Other Way Around

I came out to so many people but nobody ever came out to me.
I never knew how it really felt, but tonight, after a wild wild party, my best friend came out to me. She is dating another girl.
First reaction? I was really happy for her.
Five minutes later? I started crying. I don't know why. Was it the alcohol or the confession? I will never know.

But this sadness just came and filled every part of my body. And with this sadness came disappointment.
I was disappointed I haven't been the friend she has been for me.
When I came out to her she showed nothing but support, and now when it's her turn, I start tearing up in front of her?

I can't really explain this. Her girlfriend is really cool and nice.
Am I greedy and don't want to share my best friend? Of course not! A lot of my friends are in relationships.
Do I think that I will never see her the same way again? Of course not! Nothing is ever gonna change between us, like nothing changed when I came out to her.

I just don't want her to get hurt. Sixteen-year olds are idiots.
I witness that teenager stubbornness everyday. How influenced kids can get.
I don't want her to realize how mean and cruel our society is. But doesn't she know that? She was the one hanging IDAHO posters with me. She was the one to stand up for me every time she heard a hateful comment.
I don't want her to wake up one day and realize she is straight as an arrow and regret every second of this. But isn't this the part of life during which you're supposed to explore your sexuality and experience new stuff?

I'm not her dad after all. I can't hold her all her life so she doesn't fall.
I have to be a friend and walk with her and help her get up when she falls.
And that's what I will try to be.

Anyway...
La nuit porte conseil.

3 comments:

  1. Thank you BB :))
    I do care about her a lot and I hope she won't face all the hate our lovely society has to offer.

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  2. It's private, and it'll stay that way. So hopefully no one will know to hurt her. Otherwise, I got a shovel, you pick the grave ;)

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  3. How about a rainbow grave? Hmm... it would fit in perfectly :)

    ReplyDelete