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Friday, April 8, 2011

Express Yourself

Well, sometimes, when you're mad , depressed, when you're having problems, when you just can't take it anymore, you just want to talk, get everything out.
But, as much as they try, your friends can't always understand your issues.

That's why everything gay person needs gay friends.
However, since homosexuality is such a taboo subject, since coming out is so hard, since homophobia is so normal, how are you supposed to know who is gay and who's not? And how are people supposed to know if you're gay?
How are you supposed to meet other gay men or women?


I've been receiving some mails from gay teenagers telling me how painful being lonely is.
And I totally agree. I don't know how I would have handled everything if I hadn't started this blog.

Seriously, how can you meet a gay man?
I can't imagine anyone coming out at school to anyone else than your close friends.
Gossips travel so fast, you can't trust everyone. And with gossips come the funny rumors.
Listening to Lady Gaga is like running naked with a rainbow flag all around the school.

So, back to the subject. Adults always have Manjam and those gay-friendly pubs. Moreover, some people do not realize they are gay until their 20s or even later.

So where does that leave us?
I have never had a boyfriend but luckily I am over my I-will-die-alone/just need somebody to love/total depression/loneliness phase. Well, actually, I am still lonely but now I don't really mind.
Being single doesn't bother me anymore. It is actually great!


But being lonely is not only about not being into a relationship.
Sometimes you need a friend that can really understand you and help you, give you advices.
A way to express yourself. 


I have met some awesome people via this blog (& I don't think any of them is a weird creepy fat old pedophile), and I think everyone deserves that chance!


I've been searching on the internet and found a lot of UK or USA based forums for gay kids which were awesome!
When I narrowed my search to Lebanese forums, I couldn't find anything that did not have "sex buddy", "horny bottom" or "sexy muscular top" in the description.

Way to go...

17 comments:

  1. well i've had my manjam since the age of 15, so i never really had that loneliness feeling until the idea of having a boyfriend came to my mind, and worse i became more lonely after breaking up with my X.

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  2. "I've been searching on the internet and found a lot of UK or USA based forums for gay kids which were awesome!"
    Am I part of that? :D.....k nvm lol

    You have to realize that gay people here are much more insecure than those in the USA. You're going to have to WORK to find people.
    In the USA I just walked up to people at an LGBT-hosted event and I'd meet people.
    There aren't many LGBT clubs around here...and you won't be seeing gay people in droves.
    If you're a group person, try Helem...you might hit it off :)

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  3. @Anonymous: That sounds risky :-/.
    Don't worry about your ex, I'm sure you will find someone else ;)

    @LebaGaga: I think you copy-pasted the wrong part :-P
    And of course you're part of that!
    Work? I'm too lazy for that!
    Everything sounds so easy in the USA but "where is the poop?" (Please tell me you watch How I Met Your Mother.)
    I'm not looking for anything right now thanks, but I will keep Helem in mind. :-)

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  4. back in my day.. there was something before Facebook called AOL. There gays could interact with one another and get to know one another slowly and anonymously until they were ready to come out. I met many of my x's that way ..and they were good, normal,not out guys like me , going through high school. It actually where i also met my current husband of 7 years !

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  5. If you really want to meet genuine gay people, you should join twitter. There are a lot of Lebanese gays on there who are very fun and genuine and most importantly not sex-crazed. So you might want to give it a try :)

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  6. When I first heard about Manjam and some forums I checked them out to see if I can find some sort of good community for lgbt here in lebanon but instead I did come across the sex-crazed people. I think that's one of the reasons why I don't enjoy the lgbt scene in lebanon much. Bas I know I'm not a gay guy but if you need a friend just message me. I wouldn't mind, most of the bloggers (most, not all) know who I really am, so I wouldn't mind talkin' to you and gettin' to know you w hek.

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  7. @Anonymous 1 & 2: Meeting people online sounds creepy :-P
    I really don't think a teenager should spend his free time online talking to random people and getting to know them.
    Unfortunately, this is the only choice we have left since everyone is so scared of coming out.

    @UndiscoveredGirl: I will try to catch you on MSN one day :))

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  8. Karim- So talking to you right now is creepy?
    you can talk to someone for a very long time before you get to meet them. You can slowly exchange information, photos, emails..
    Its not scarier then meeting a perfectly random stranger on the street and asking them out on a date. At least online you get to screen them first : )

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  9. Plus.. most teenagers spend most of their free time online anyways.

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  10. @Anonymous1: I meant online dating.
    Knowing that you might one day go out with the person you are talking to right now is kinda creepy.

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  11. I like the blog. Especially the expressing the feelings.
    Because is is difficult to find a real emotion in this country.
    Why is it so?

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  12. Mainly because everyone is so freaking fake.
    Fake boobs, fake nose, fake life. It's a trend here.

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  13. I see. But this trend is empty. It doesnt have content.
    maybe the trend will change. Because sooner or later people will be more natural, I hope.

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  14. "Listening to Lady Gaga is like running naked with a rainbow flag all around the school" hahahaha
    i love this sentence :)

    back to the main subject, i know it's bad to be a gay teenager in lebanon, but it will get better. you have fears now of society accepting you, but slowly, you will end up forcing others to respect you cause you are a great guy and you will achieve big things

    one more thing, there will always be people who will support you. you just need to ask

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  15. one more thing, i think i posted Joel Burn's speech before. it's very inspiring, it makes me cry. you can google it on youtube

    "Tonight, I ask my colleagues' indulgence in allowing me to use my announcement time to talk briefly about another issue that pulls at my heart.

    The parents of Asher Brown, who you can see above [indicates photo of the child displayed on screen in council chamber], complained to school officials in the Cypress-Fairbanks independent school district, outside of Houston, that their son was being bully and harassed in school. The bullies called him"faggot" and "queer". They shoved him. They punched him. And in spite of his parents' calls to counsellors and principals, the harassment, intimidation and threats continued. For years, it continued.

    A couple of weeks ago, after being bullied at school, Asher went home, found his father's gun, and shot himself in the head. His father found Asher dead when he came home from work. Asher was 13 years old. I'd like for you to look at his face.

    Unlike Asher, Indiana teen Billy Lucas [photo displayed] never self-identified as gay, but was perceived to be by bullies who harassed him daily at the Greenberg Community High School. Three weeks ago, he hung himself in his grandparents' barn. He was 15 years old.

    Minnesota 15-year-old Justin Aaberg [photo displayed] came out to friends at age 13, after which the harassment and the bullying began. It grew as he moved from middle school to high school. When he found the harassment more than he could bear, he hung himself in his room and was found by his mother.

    Classmates started teasing and name-calling Seth Walsh [photo displayed] in the fourth grade. It continued through his middle-school years, where other students told him the world didn't need another queer and that he should "go hang himself". On 18 September, after being threatened by a group of older teens, he went home, threw a noose around a tree branch, and he did just that. He hung himself in his back yard. His mother saw him, pulled him down. Seth survived on life support for nine days before dying, a couple of weeks ago. He was 13 years old.

    Teen bullying and suicide has reached an epidemic in our country, especially among gay and lesbian youth, those perceived to be gay, or kids who are just different.

    In recent weeks, New Jersey teen Tyler Clementi jumped off a bridge to his death after his roommate outed him on the Internet. Rhode Island teen Raymond Chase hung himself in his dorm room. And we learned just yesterday of Oklahoma teen Zach Harrington, who killed himself after attending a city council meeting in Norman, Oklahoma, where speakers made disparaging anti-gay remarks.

    There is a conversation for the adults watching in this room and those watching to have, and we will have it. But this bullying and harassment in our schools must stop. And our schools must be a safe place to learn and to grow. It is never acceptable for us to be the cause of any child to feel unloved or worthless. And I am committed to being a part of that conversation.

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  16. But tonight I would like to talk to the 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 and 17-year-olds at Paschal and at Arlington Heights, and at Trimble Tech High Schools, or at Daggett and Rosemont Middle Schools, or any school in Fort Worth, or anywhere across the country, for that matter.

    I know that life can seem unbearable. I know that the people in your household or in your school may not understand you, and that they may even physically harm you. But I want you to know that it gets better.

    When I was 13, I was a skinny, lanky, awkward teen who had grown too tall, too fast, who would stumble over my own feet. I was the son of a Methodist church pianist named Jeanette and a cowboy named, fittingly, Butch in Crowley, Texas. As their son and as a kid in a small town, there was a certain image of whoI thought I was supposed to be. And as I entered adolescence, I started having feelings that I didn't understand, I couldn't explain. But I knew they didn't mesh with the image of what I thought I was supposed to be.

    I was a sensitive kid, but friendly. I was a band dork. I played basketball, but not very well. I was teased like all kids, but I was fairly confident and I didn't let it bother me much.

    One day when I was in the 9th grade, just starting Crowley High School, I was cornered after school by some older kids who roughed me up. They said that I was a "faggot" and that I should die and go to hell where I belonged.

    That erupted the fear that I had kept pushed down – that what I was beginning to feel on the inside must somehow be showing on the outside. Ashamed, humiliated, and confused, I went home. There must be something very wrong with me, I thought. Something I could never let my family, or anyone else, know.

    I have never told this story to anyone before tonight, not my family, not my husband, not anyone. But the numerous suicides in recent days have upset me so much, and have just torn at my heart....

    And even though there may be some political repercussions for telling my story, this story is not just for the adults who might choose, or not choose, to support me. This story is for the young people who might be holding that gun tonight, or the rope, or the pill bottle.

    You need to know that the story doesn't end where I didn't tell it, on that unfortunate day. There is so, so, so much more. Yes, high school was difficult. Coming out was painful, but life got so much better for me. And I want to tell any teen who might see this: give yourself a chance to see just how much life, how much better life will get.

    To those who are feeling very alone tonight, please know that I understand how you feel, that things will get easier. Please stick around to make those happy memories for yourself. It may not seem like it tonight, but they will. And the attitudes of society will change.

    Please, live long enough to be there to see it.

    And to the adults, the bullying and the harassment has to stop. We cannot look aside as life after life is tragically lost.

    If you need resources, please check out the TrevorProject.org online, and you can call me and I will get you whatever resources you need.

    This is my phone number.

    I want to thank those in this room for allowing me this time.

    And to J.D. and the rest of my family, I am sorry for you learning of this painful personal story in this public way for this first time. But know that I am able to tell it because of your love for me.

    And mom and dad, I'm alive today because you loved me.

    Again, attitudes will change. Life will get better. You will have a lifetime of happy memories if you just allow yourself, and give yourself, the time to make them."

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  17. @DrFaDi: I love this speech, but I still cannot see how bullying can lead to this.
    We live in a hostile society and we have to accept that.
    We have a choice, live or die.
    Personally, I believe that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. All this name-calling builds my shell.
    As for these kids, that's what they need to know. Never let anyone destroy you.
    As for the Trevor Project, I'm sure it is going to save many lives. This "lifeline" thing is genius: sometimes we just need someone to talk to.
    I hope that one day we will find projects like these in Lebanon.
    Until then, we must stay strong.

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