Coming Out - 1

Don't forget to read part 2 and part 3!

It took me a while to write this story down, but I wanted it to be perfect: Honest and helpful...

Sharing coming out stories became a trend on the internet, on YouTube, and social networks. But I searched and searched through the Lebanese blogsphere and couldn't find anything related to coming out.

So I thought of taking the initiative, sharing my experience, in hope that others will do so.
I find this very useful for unsure people, because it has been useful to me. Reading about other people's experience, comparing it with your own, can make you discover things you never noticed about your life.
That's why I am writing about my coming out, even if only some of my close friends know about my sexuality.
I will tell you, how I came out to myself, where I found the courage to come out to my friends and how I did so.

How did I accept myself? I really can't answer that question precisely. I guess I have never seen myself as different when I was younger. I have never seen myself as 'gay'. Maybe because my friends didn't start showing interest in woman, maybe because I thought that I was going through some kind of phase.
Well that was before I was around 14. This is when my friends started talking about that girl's boobs, that girl's ass, or that girl's whatever. I never really paid attention to that.
My father made me realize I was gay. He was talking to my sister about homosexuality. My father is very religious... extremely religious. I still remember what he said: "Bi 'arfouneh haydoleh! Hayda chi mich tabi3eh! C'est contre les lois de la nature! Akid Allah ma khala'on hek..."
(They disgust me! It is unnatural, against the laws of nature. I'm sure that God didn't create them like this.)
I don't know why, but after this I realized that I wasn't going through any phase, that I shouldn't ignore my feelings anymore, that I had to try to find who I am.


You might notice that this is only a part of my coming out. I am writing this very slowly, trying to pay attention to every detail.
I also didn't want to keep my blog empty for too long, so I decided to post what I came up with so far.