Sheldon Lee Cooper B.S. M.S. M.A. Ph.D. Sc.D.

Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid!
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

(Actually happened to me.
Some guy told me that World War 3 was coming and that we all had to close all the windows of our homes and pray 5 hours per day to survive and that God will choose the true believers and they are going to be the only survivors of this war and bla bla bla...
I cried and he looked at me like and told me that it was going to be alright as long as I truly believe. Then I laughed)

Sheldon: I am aware of the way humans usually reproduce which is messy, unsanitary and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.
Penny: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly.